


Not When I Can’t Catch You (the morning after)

by apollonious



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hiccstrid - Freeform, Near Death Experiences, New Berk (How to Train Your Dragon), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22372738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apollonious/pseuds/apollonious
Summary: The morning after the dragons leave, Hiccup awakes to an awful realization.
Relationships: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson
Comments: 18
Kudos: 105





	Not When I Can’t Catch You (the morning after)

**Author's Note:**

> Woo! Bonus mid-week fic!

When Hiccup awoke, he was alone. 

This was unusual for him. For six years, he’d slept and woken up next to Toothless. And Astrid, at times, though that had been with rather less frequency. And he hadn’t fallen asleep alone. Astrid had been there with him, the night before—

The night before.

Yesterday.

He shut his eyes against the memories that came flooding in—falling, Grimmel’s dying scream, touching Toothless’ nose for the last time, watching his best friend fly away. He’d cried there on the cliff, but not when they’d returned to the fledgling village his people were already calling New Berk. No, when they’d gotten back, he and Astrid had suddenly become aware of how hungry they were, not having eaten all day, and once they had eaten they were so bone-tired it was all they could do to stagger into Hiccup’s tent and fall onto the cot he’d shared with Toothless. It had still smelled like Toothless the night before, and it did now too, though Astrid’s scent had mixed in.

He hadn’t cried the night before, but he did now.

With a great, shuddering sigh, Hiccup pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, trying to stem the flow of tears. He gave himself a minute, then slowly sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He felt lighter than he had in years, and he realized it was because he wasn’t wearing armor, not even his leathers. 

He hated it.

With a sigh, he grabbed his backup leg from the floor where he’d dropped it the night before and buckled it on. He limped out of the tent, looking around at the quickly-growing village. But his survey was cut short at the sight of the woman sitting at a table twenty feet away, her back to him. Her golden head was bowed, her braid rumpled beneath the leather band she wore around her head. 

He walked over to her, coming around the table to face her. She didn’t look up at him, but he could see the dark circles under her eyes. They were red-rimmed too. She was clutching a mug in both hands of something that had probably started out hot and steaming, but which now looked distinctly unappetizing in its tepidness. He sat down on the bench opposite her. 

She still didn’t look at him.

“Did you not sleep?” Hiccup asked.

She shook her head. 

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Her voice was hollow.

“Do you miss Stormfly?” he asked. 

She paused, then nodded. But that wasn’t it.

“Astrid, what’s wrong?”

She still didn’t look at him. Her voice was rough as she said, “I saw you fall.”

Hiccup’s stomach plummeted, and for a moment he felt like he was falling all over again. The scream echoed in his ears. It was a good thing he was already sitting down; otherwise he would have needed to, to ground himself from the awful feeling of weightlessness, so different from that of flight, that rushed through him at the memory.

“Astrid—” he started, but she was still talking.

“I saw you,” she said. “I saw you let go of the Light Fury, and then you fell.”

He hadn’t thought that anyone could see. “Astrid, I’m sorry—”

“Toothless couldn’t catch you. He was falling too. I was the first Rider to get back; you know Nadders can be almost as fast as Furies when they have to be. I was the closest. Just close enough to see, but not close enough to do anything. Nobody could catch you, except the Light Fury.”

“And she did,” Hiccup said, but she didn’t seem to hear him, barely pausing as she spoke.

Now she looked at him. “How did you know that she’d catch you?”

He decided honesty was best, and shrugged. “I didn’t. But I didn’t see another way to save him, and I had to make a choice. The Light Fury couldn’t have caught him with me and Grimmel hanging off her.”

“So you chose to fall.” Her eyes were boring into him.

He nodded. “As long as he was safe, I had to.”

“And you accepted it. I saw you. Once the Light Fury had saved him, until you saw her coming for you, you just accepted it.”

“I’m sorry,” he said again. 

“You almost died.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” After a moment, he pointed out, “It’s happened before.”

“It’s different actually seeing it,” she said, her eyes falling. “With the Red Death, it was just a lot of fire. And the Bewilderbeast was just ice. But Hiccup—I watched you fall. And I couldn’t do anything. I froze. I just hung there, in the sky, on Stormfly, petrified. And I didn’t think she was going to catch you.”

He pulled one of her hands from the mug and held it in both of his. “Sometimes you just have to trust wild things.”

She looked at him. “Don’t ever do that to me again.”

“Do what?”

“Make me watch you fall. Not when I can’t catch you.”

Hiccup sighed. “Without our dragons, I don’t think that’s likely to happen.”

He hadn’t meant it as a joke, but her eyes flashed. She yanked her hand out of his and stood, upsetting both her bench and the mug. She’d been keeping it together, but now, as she watched the liquid spreading across the tabletop, her shoulders began to hitch, her breath coming in great gulps. When Hiccup came around the table and wrapped his arms around her, she broke down completely, pressing her face into the crook of his neck and shoulder. 

“It’s okay,” he said over and over as she cried. “I’m here. We’re safe.”

Although they’d been outside, in relative public, the other Berkians had been giving them privacy up until now, consciously ignoring the conversation and averting their eyes. Now, though, Astrid and Hiccup were starting to attract stares. Astrid’s mother, halfway across the makeshift town square, was watching them, a stricken look on her face. 

“Come on, let’s get inside,” Hiccup said, leading Astrid back toward his tent. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Valka take Astrid’s mother by the arm and lead her away. Astrid let him pull her inside, but as soon as the tent flap settled shut behind them, she was clinging to him once more. He let her cry herself out, slowly easing them onto the cot until he was cradling her on his chest. Somehow he got her spaulders off, letting them fall to the floor. 

“I’m sorry I left,” she said when she had calmed down a little. “I just couldn’t stop seeing it, and I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“It’s okay,” he said, brushing her hair back from her face. ”I know what you mean. I keep hearing him scream.”

“Grimmel?”

Hiccup nodded. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. Her eyelids were beginning to droop, which was a good thing, since she hadn’t slept in two days. “You should sleep too,” she told him.

“I’ll try,” he promised. 

And he did try, but he found he couldn’t. He lay there for hours, his thoughts spinning around and around in his head. No matter where he started, he always ended up in the same place: falling, hands scrabbling at him as he stared up at the sky—at Toothless—certain the sight would be his last. 

And the scream. 

Eventually, he decided it was safest just to think about the woman he was holding. So he did, telling himself all the stories he could about her and Stormfly. Toothless, too, though that hurt. And he thought about the future he would build with her when she woke up. At one point, he tried to ease himself out from under her, but her hand tightened on his arm, her grip vice-like even in her sleep. He subsided, and her grip loosened. Slightly.

Hiccup watched as the light outside changed, passing through noon brightness and slowly descending toward dusk. He must have fallen asleep at some point, because he woke to Astrid stirring gently against his chest. 

“Good morning, milady,” he said, stroking her hair.

She lifted her head and peered at him. “Did that really happen? Earlier?”

“Yes, it did. Are you okay?”

She nodded. “You?”

He nodded. 

“I’m really sorry about that,” she said. “I wasn’t planning on saying anything, and I was just so glad you were okay, but then…”

“You don’t need to be sorry,” he said, kissing her forehead. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”

She tucked her head under his chin. “I know I’ve said it before, but I can’t imagine a world without you in it,” she murmured.

His arms tightened around her. “I love you,” he whispered into the falling dark.

“I love you too,” she said.

They stayed like that, her nestled into him as he held her, for a little while. Eventually, Hiccup cleared his throat. “So, while you were sleeping, I decided a few things,” he said.

Astrid raised her head to look at him again, and he was happier than he could ever say to see the skepticism in her face. “Really? You did?”

“I did,” he said. “And what I decided is that, starting tomorrow, I’m going to build a house big enough for us and however many kids we have. And my mom and your parents, if they want, and if you want, of course. And in that house, I’m going to carve you a bed the likes of which hasn’t been seen since the one my dad made for my mom. And once we’re married and living in that house and sleeping in that bed, I’m never going to scare you again the way I did yesterday.”

She’d been staring at him as he gave this little speech. “Careful,” she said. “That sounds an awful lot like a vow.”

“It was supposed to,” he said.

She studied him a moment longer. Then she raised herself, one hand on either side of his head, and kissed him. His hands clung to her as he opened his mouth and tilted his head back, letting her deepen the kiss. 

A knock on one of the tent’s posts interrupted them. “Dinner’s ready,” Valka called. “Thought I’d let you two know. Gobber’s serving it up now.” They listened to her retreating footsteps, both wearing wry smiles. 

“We should probably make an appearance,” he said. “Everyone’s going to need some reassurance after yesterday.”

Astrid smiled at him. “Yes, Chief Hiccup.”

He chuckled. “Do you think that’ll ever stop feeling weird?” he asked. “People doing what I tell them, I mean?”

“Well, if it ever does, I’ll be right here to set you straight. Always.”

“Careful,” he said. “That sounded an awful lot like a vow.” 

Her eyes were sober, the teasing mirth from just a moment ago gone now, as she said, “It was supposed to.”

Hiccup pulled her down to him and kissed her, pouring all the wonder and anguish and terror and relief of the last few days into it. When they pulled apart, both their eyes were sparkling, and they looked at each other from inches away, their breath mingling, until Hiccup’s stomach rumbled loudly.

“We really ought to get going,” he said. 

Astrid nodded, but she didn’t move off of him. Her face was thoughtful. “You know that’s going to be a lot of work, right? The house, and the bed, and everything.”

“I mean, that’s kind of the point,” he said.

She furrowed her brows at him.

“You deserve it. You deserve all of it.”

With a smile, she kissed him and finally climbed down. “Shall we?” she said.

“Right behind you.”

And so the Chief and Chieftess went out to face the village.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it; obviously there’s no indication in canon that this happened, but the idea got in my head and wouldn’t go away until I wrote it down. 
> 
> Please leave a comment; feedback is always appreciated. 
> 
> More City of Bridges on Saturday!


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